Dogs, Werewolves, and Stags, Oh My!
by made.unmade
Summary: Lily Evans has the perfect life, full of charming boys and nice hair. Er, maybe not... Lily's sixth year and all it's dramas. ABANDONED. nb This fic will not be updated. Ever.
1. In Which Lily Introduces Herself

**Hey all. Okay, you know I don't own Harry Potter. This is dedicated to my darling Erin.**

**

* * *

6:30 pm, Gryffindor Common Room**

I see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom, Potter's a poo…

Yes, I have realised that I am insane. But it is no reason to dislike me. Pity me? Yes. Be afraid of me? Hell yeah! But dislike me? Nope! No reason to do that at all! Okay, there are a few zillion reasons not to like me, but we're not going over them now! So scoot! Anyway, in reference to my previous statement, you may be wondering what my evidence is for Potter being a poo. The truth is, I have none. Yes, you may berate me for making unfair accusations as it is (hem hem. clears throat for readying of pompous voice), "politically incorrect".

Well, stuff being politically incorrect! It's Potter! There's nothing correct about him or his dropkick friends! Yep, I am the queen of being negative to the "marauders". shiver even just saying the name makes me cringe. But yeah, I am the queen of all "I hate the marauders!" clubs and fan-girl bashings. So sue me! Actually, on second thought, don't. Kick your toaster instead. Ooooh...that sounds good. DEATH TO THE TOASTERS! leads loyal (cough cough) army into battle against kitchen appliances

_Uh, Lily? Are you alright there?_

What is this? These strange markings before me? What is this demon tongue? AND HOW DID IT GET INTO MY DIARY? MY DIARY!

_Lils, these "strange markings" are words, and the "demon tongue" is the English language. And for how it got into the diary, I wrote it here, dumbass!_

Oh.

_Yes, oh._

Well, that explains a lot. Thank you Izzy for your insightful wisdom. Without you, I may have been forced to burn my darling diary (whom I have christened George), as to rid my life of evil.

…

Hmmmph. It appears that Izzy is too busy laughing to answer me. Some friend! Anyway, you may be wondering who Izzy and myself are. Well, brace yourself for a rambling, raving and, uh, recuperating speech!

_Recuperating?_

I needed a word that started with "R". Geez, don't get your socks in a knot!

_I believe the correct article of clothing would be, "knickers"._

Huh?

_As in, "knickers in a knot"_

Oh, that! Mere technicality! Anyway, onto my rambling, raving and recuperating speech!

_Oh brother…_

Shut up Izzy! As you may have noticed, Izzy is an acquaintance of mine (unfortunately). Jokes! She's one of my best friends, along with Sybilla Wilson, Jade Burgundy, Adam Zeller, and Tom Parker. Izzy (Isabelle) is the elegant one (DAMN HER!), Billie (Sybilla) is the clumsy and funny one, Jade is the Quidditch obsessed one, Adam is the pretty boy, and Tom is the immature one who gets us into trouble.

So, there's my friends in a nutshell, and on to me! I'm sixteen, have a dark-red mass of messy (And frizzy) curls for hair that is the spawn of the devil, huge emerald green eyes way too big for my head, pale skin, a fiery temper, and am unfortunately vertically-challenged. Most people, who are insensitive gits, would say I'm "short" but I have successfully brain-washed my friends into not using that despicable word. I have an older brother and sister, one who I love most dearly, the other I would willingly poke to death with toothpicks.

_Toothpicks, Lils? Well, I guess it is inventive. Congrats, lils. Very creative and imaginative of you. I'm so proud! wipes tears from glistening eyes_

Izzy! You're interrupting my rambling, raving and recuperating speech! Shame on you! Anywho, Matthew, my brother, is the best brother you could ever have. He makes you laugh and sticks up for you when you're fighting with your mum because you can't go shopping on Saturday (Oh! The tragedy!). He and I have rarely fought, and when there is one, he'll just start laughing and saying he's forgotten what you were fighting about in the first place. He is, of course, the one I love to death.

Petunia, on the other hand, could be brought to death by me, but the cause wouldn't be excessive love. She's horse-faced, boring, bitchy, and basically just a sad, sad cow.

_Amen to that sister!_

Yeah, I forgot to mention that all of my friends who have met her don't like her. She loathes them in turn which works for me! She leaves the house whenever I have mates over, so we have the whole house to ourselves if my parents are out. Anyway, away from the topic of my repulsive sister. (Anything to get away from _that_ topic.) Ooooh. Its 7:00. Time to fill my bottomless pit of a stomach. I am now getting up from my oh-so comfortable armchair in the Gryffindor Common Room to walk to dinner. Mmmm. Food…..drools

**7:04 pm. At dinner, Great Hall**

Aaaaah, lemon meringue pie. drool So yummy….Wait, is someone talking to me? "EVANS! MOVE YOUR BUTT NOW! I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU TO GET TO THE PREFECT MEETING FOR TEN STRAIGHT MINUTES! MOVE!" Hmmm. Maybe someone _was_ talking to me. I stand quietly, only tripping over once (go me!) and make my way out of the hall. I followed the Head Boy, struggling to catch up. Honestly, this guy is such a dickhead. He struts around, just as bad as the Marauders, and gives detentions to random little kids, but never from his house, Ravenclaw. I suppose he is smart, but that doesn't make him any less of a wanker!

**7:23. Prefects Meeting, Prefects Common Room**

So totally bored right now. Have resorted to writing in here to escape death by boredom. Hmmm, I wonder if anyone has actually died from boredom. Must ponder that. Hey. There's a shadow on my book! Someone standing over me! Pray for me diary!

…

Glad that is over! Got yelled at by Head Boy because I wasn't listening. Simply told him that I was busy pondering if people could die of boredom. Then I told him that if people could die of that particular reason, then he would be wanted for Murder. I don't think he liked it.

Hey! He just gave me detention for "cheek" and "disrespect". Grrrrrr. The other Gryffindor prefect (Remus Lupin. Annoyingly gorgeous bookworm. A Marauder with mystery) found my animal growl rather entertaining. Is currently laughing at me. Hmmmph. Why must everyone laugh at me? Oh great, Head Boy is now looking this way again. Bleaaugh. Head Boy (have now remembered his name; Sam. Sam Davidson) is now glaring at us both with hands on hips in a distinctively feminine way. Am struggling to keep laughter in. Remus has now noticed what I'm going red for and is laughing harder then ever.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ooops. I laughed. I am currently bright red, like a tomato. Remus has stopped laughing. I can see why. Sam is now going a rather violent shade of red and his left eye is twitching. "His red is rivaling my own!" I say in an indignant tone. Crap, I just realized I said that louder than I planned. Oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God.

Everyone is looking at me with evil grins except for some random Hufflepuff fifth year who is staring at the wall with interest. Odd. I shrink back in my seat and try to hide behind Remus. Dammit! It's not working! Why couldn't Remus be a sumo wrestler or something? Then I could hide behind him _and_ be his manager. Imagine the possibilities! He'd be the best sumo in the whole world, and we'd get heaps and heaps of money cause I'd take 40 per cent profits. Oh, that sounds good…. stares dreamily into space Er, back to reality.

Sam is now going off his head at me. Must stop this childish behaviour. "Sam, please refrain from yelling these profanities at me. Couldn't we just work this out like mature adults?" The room is silent. I can literally see tumbleweeds go past as aforementioned hufflepuff fifth-year accidentally set himself on fire and when he tried to put it out, he conjured tumbleweeds. Like I said, odd.

Sam looks down at me and says in dangerously quiet voice, "My name is Seth." Oh. "I could have sworn it was Sam! Are you sure it's Seth?" Seth-but-his-name-is-sure-to-be-Sam says a little bit louder this time, "I think I know what my own name is!" I look at him patronizingly, pat him on the shoulder and answer sweetly, "I don't think you do!"

He looks away from me and continues his boring speech on how we must exercise our authority carefully, protect the younger students, and uphold our pristine image as rule-followers. At this he looks at me and Remus. Remus rolls his eyes and mutters something and I poke my tongue out at Sameth.

Suddenly, a huge bang is heard outside the door. Seth-but-I-swear-his-name-is-Sam-and-so-I-shall-just-call-him-Head-Boy-or-dickweed opens the door and peered out. He looked back to the rest of us and saya in a sober tone, "Peeves. Quick, Greggs and McKinnon, come with me. Lanns, go get Filch." At this Matt Greggs and Marlene McKinnon leave with Dickweed and the random Hufflepuff fifth year, apparently Lanns, nods and promptly walks intothe door. Dorcas Meadowes rolls her eyes at the Hufflepuff unconscious on the floor, and looks right up at me, "Lily, you'd better get Filch."

WHAT! ME? GET FILCH? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I DAMN DORCAS TO HELL! Alright, calm down Lily. Just walk calmly to Filch's office, it isn't that hard. I stepped outside the door and promptly got knocked over by a figure sprinting in the other direction of Filch's office.


	2. In Which Lily Is Paranoid

**I'm back! Mauhahaha. When my friends read this, they interrogated me. So, yes, I will admit, Lily is based on me. Most of the stuff in here is from my diary, or from notes in class, or from some other personal source. Hehehe. And I know, I caved. I wanted eight reviews before I updated, but I only have four. -sob- But I have deicided to write this for me- not for reviews. Yes, reviews would be nice, but for once, I'm not pushing for them. **

**Oh, and if anyone thinks I own Harry Potter, than they are sadly mistaken. Believe me, if I owned Harry Potter, Scarhead would be dead and Draco would be dancing the conga on his grave. Voldemort would be drinking Vodka Cruisers, Wormtail would be dead, Luna Lovegood would be Minister of Magic, Neville would spit in Snape's face (who would have washed hair), Lily, James and Sirius would come back and not cry over Harry,Umbridge would shoot herself, as would Cho, Ginny would rejoice that she doesn't have to go out with Hairy Pothead, Pansy Parkinson would drown mysteriously, Cedric woud rise from the dead and party like there's no tomorrow, and well, the Harrp Potter world would be so much cooler!**

**Hmmm.A rather long disclaimer. Meh. On with the story!**

**

* * *

8:00, On the Floor **

I looked up at the person lying on top of me, and almost puked. _Filch_. **FILCH!** George, my darling George, have you heard of a more disgusting sequence? Yeah, I thought not. Oh god, I'm hyperventilating again. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, brea- oh screw it! Filch jumped off me and continued to run down the corridor to where Dickweed and his comrades were. I sighed in relief, and stood up, turning around to go back into the prefect common room. I was mortified to see that every one had stood in the doorway and saw me be bowled over by our new caretaker. Well, at least it wasn't Pringle; that would have been psychologically traumatising. I felt myself go red, and I looked down at my feet, barely aware I was still on the cold floor. The Ravenclaw male prefect for my year, Greg Davies, put his arm around me comfortingly, though I could sense that he wanted to laugh. Damn him. I think dinner is over, there are people coming round the corner.

**5 minutes later, still on the floor**

Please, let the ground swallow me up! When the entirety of Hogwarts (okay, I exaggerated a teensy bit. There was 20 people at the most) came round the corner, they saw a giggling mass of nerds deemed geeky enough to wear a shiny badge (Oh so shiny! My Precious…) and me, sitting in the middle of it, with a rather hot Ravenclaw hugging me. Yep, utter mortification. Okay, it wasn't that bad. But when I tried to stand up I managed to fall back down which set the nerds off again. My friends (cough_minions_cough) ran up to me, and began talking loudly, mostly about the ultra sexy Ravenclaw who was still next to me, looking bewildered at my boy-crazy friends. I managed to weakly smile at him and he stood, helping me up with him. I leaned on him, trying to regain balance, which I don't have. Aaw, crap. Dickweed's back.

**Yet another five minutes later, laughing too hard to stay up**

Hehehehehehe! Excuse me while I regain my composure. Hahaha. Sorry, had to laugh. Turns out it wasn't peeves, it was the Marauders. When Dickweed tried to intervene with their game (which I think was just outdoing each others burps and poking Dumbledore's gargoyle) they hexed him so he is currently bright pink with green spots and tentacles. Hmmm, he seems to be in pain. I could kiss the marauders! But not. Because that would be wrong. Very wrong. Because they're evil. So it would be like kissing the wicked witch of the west- which is so wrong it's almost right. I shudder at the thought. Anywho, Dickweed looks rather vicious right now, so I think I might be going……

**8:17, Empty Classroom**

Snuck off with Greg, who's very sweet actually. We were running for ages, and now I think we're lost. Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap. CRAP. Hmmm, we seem to be near the Transfiguration Department. Greg is looking at me. Why is he looking at me, diary? Why? SAVE ME, DIARY! GREG IS NO INNOCENT PREFECT! HE LURES GIRLS INTO EMPTY CLASSROOMS AND…AND…OH GOD! "Er, lily, why are you looking at me like that?" that would be what Greg said. Sadistic rapist. Grr. "GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU SICK, PERVERTED FREAK! STAY AWAY I SAID! BACK, YOU FIEND! I HAVE A BLACK BELT IN…UH…TAI CHI!" oh my lord, he's looking at me again. Wait, he "Tai chi? Isn't that like a calming exercise or something? Lily? What's wrong? Are you hallucinating? I know Filch on top of you would have been bad, but I didn't think it messed you up this much." Is Greg _not_ a twisted paedophile? Hmmm, must ponder that.

…

Just had conversation with Greg. Turns out he isn't a sadistic rapist. Well, a girl has to be careful. Never know what sick mind is behind a gorgeous body and sweet gestures. Anyway, we are now walking aimlessly through the halls chatting. I like Greg. Very nice boy. And it doesn't hurt that he is a complete stud muffin. Fine male specimen. Oh god, I can imagine Izzy's reaction if she ever reads this. George, my darling George, can you imagine the amount of comments about my "love for Greg"? I can.

**8:30, the kitchens**

We eventually reached the kitchens, and since our dinner was cut short for the prefect meeting, we stopped for some food. The house elves are quite nice. Odd, but nice. Slightly schizophrenic, but nice. I was surprised but happy to see that Greg is kind to the elves and asked them for food politely instead of ordering them around. I am liking Greg more and more. Not that way, diary! Anyway, some very nice food and mindless chatter has brought my night to a quiet and calm end. Am currently walking back to my dorm; Greg insisted on walking me back. Very, very sweet boy. Got the chivalry thing down pat. "Hey lily," Greg suddenly said to me. "Yeah?" ah, crap, just tripped over. Greg is pulling me back up. "Thanks Greg!" hey, he's looking at me weird again. Oh lord, what if he _is_ a sadistic rapist and murderer? I'm too young to die! Nah, he's too sweet to be a murderer. Phew! "Wanna sit with me and my friends tomorrow? Just as mates?" I nod and smile, but inside I'm squealing with delight. Even if it's just sitting with him for lessons and lunch as friends, it's still Greg! _The_ Greg! Sweet, kind-to-house-elves, gorgeous, smart, non-klutzy Greg!

Alright, am now making my way to the portrait. I love our password. "Life's pretty straight without Twisties" yep, the Fat Lady likes Twisties too. I don't know how she got hold of some though. Hmmm. Weird. Maybe there is a painting here with millions of Twisties packets. Maybe that's why she's...bigger than average; she ate too many Twisties and didn't exercise them off. Wait, I am talking like a crazy person, _too many Twisties_? No such thing. Anyway, I turn and wave to Greg and head in. Time to face the wrath of my friends. Brace yourself, Lily! Wait, did I just speak to myself in third person? Maybe I have split-personality disorder. Maybe one of my personalities isn't a klutz! I am content.

**12:30, recovering from interrogation, girl's dorm**

Honestly, my friends should be detectives or something. They immediately knew I had something to spill and started their interrogations. Izzy is supreme at grilling people, especially if it has to do with teenage girl issues. Like when I got that _huge_ pimple and I refused to leave my bed, she questioned me and figured it out. George, remind me to buy some of that pimple cream that Izzy used on me then. Anywho, the questioning started immediately, and Jade, sensing I was weaker with my defences from lack of sleep, went in for the kill. "Does your pathetically goofy grin have to do with that sexy Ravenclaw?" Hmmph, she figured it out. Damn! Lily, just deny it. Just deny all the claims. Feck, I need an alibi! Feckity feck shit! Oh my sweet Merlin, I just re-read that sentence and I sound like a trash-bag! Oh god! I am a gutter mouth! I know I'm off the subject of Greg, but I can't help it! Oh lord, I think I'm hyperventilating again! I need a paper bag!

Inhale

Exhale

Paper bags? Where to look? WHERE TO LOOK?

Inhale

Where are all theSODDING paper bags?

Exhale

Slightly desperate right now.

Inhale

Okay, lily, think. If I were a paper bag, where would I be?

Exhale

Inhale

Oh, I know! I'd be in a paper bag packet!

Exhale

And where would a paper bag packet be?

Inhale

In Jade's trunk!

Exhale

Sensible voice in head: and why would it be in there?

Inhale

Well, why wouldn't it! Brain, don't question me!

Exhale

Okay, opening Jade's trunk. Searching through and swearing at regular intervals. Wait, what's that? Under Jade's Quidditch magazine?

Inhale

Exhale

Inhale

I've got it! Yes! I am the best! Take that brain! 'Not in Jade's trunk!' -scoffs-

Exhale

I'm alright now, thank god.

Note to self: buy paper bags; therefore can keep them in bedside table, never know when they will come in handy. Oh, and buy beside table for aforementioned purpose.

Oh lord, my friends are coming nearer to me, with evil grins on their faces. Help! HELP! I am a defenceless little girl! Don't hurt me!

Well, that wasn't so bad. I shall now recount the sad tale. They practically tackled me, demanding to know what happened between Greg and me. I told them in what I thought was a calm, level voice; though later on, Billie told me I sounded like a constipated cow. Oh. She just added that the aforementioned cow had high, shaky voice, almost like a dying pig. Where did all the farm animals come from?

Anyway, after I had answered their questions Izzy jumped on me, saying I was the luckiest girl in the world. I had (probably due to my love of being overly dramatic) left out the part about Greg asking me to sit with him. Hehehe, I'm so evil. I told them and I got quite amusing reactions. Jade got all wide-eyed, Billie's jaw dropped then she came over and hugged me, and Izzy made me laugh at loud. She blinked a couple of times, and by the look on her face I thought she was going to slug me. She didn't, by the way. Then she said, laughing, "put in a good word to Andy Greens, for me, won't you?" we all ended up lying on Jade's bed (hers is largest. She charmed it to Queen Size- King wouldn't fit), and gossiping. I know, I know, gossiping is bad. I can't help it! It is one of my many sins. After awhile, we noticed the other girls in our dorm weren't actually sleeping, and we invited them over to our big circle.

They're quite nice, there's Elle Richards, slightly hyperactive blonde; Adrienne Cresswell, pretty much a walking dictionary, but still has an interesting personality; Melissa Smith, sweet, rather innocent; and Alicia Sanders, shares my predicament of being vertically challenged.

We chatted for a couple of hours, but now everyone is going to bed. Think I might too. So tired. -yawn- wish me luck for the morning George. Sweet drea-

-snore-

* * *

**lots of love and penguins,**

**Amy**


	3. In Which Lily Is Bored

**I'm back! –happy dance- I couldn't resist! I wrote this like five minutes ago, as per usual. This chappie is dedicated to tuvalian-cheese and ellsiethecow because they are my two best reviewers, and they're awesome! Also, to my anonymous reviewers, thanks so much, I wish I could reply in a better way, but, ah well! Also, just need to tell everyone, this story is a bit AU. If you've noticed this already- congrats! James hasn't really noticed Lily yet- not romantically anyway. He is just starting to like her- before, she was just some random Gryffindor to him. Now I know I've categorised this as Humour, but I don't really think it's funny. If this chapter and any future ones aren't very funny it's because it's not really humour; at least not in my eyes. Anywho, onwards with our quest! Over And Out!**

**FTPF: Do I own Harry Potter yet?**

**Harry: No. Thank god. If you did I'd probably be either dead or a cross dresser.**

**FTPF: Who said "either"? Why can't you be both?**

**Harry: What! No thanks. No make-up for me!**

**FTPF: But it'd bring out the colour of your eyes!**

**Harry: Well, FYI, J.K Rowling owns me, so you can't do anything!**

**FTPF: Poo on you.**

* * *

**8:30, breakfast, great hall**

-yawn- morning George. I was dragged out of bed at the ungodly hour of seven o'clock by Alicia and Izzy, they're both early risers. Elle got up willingly, but she's, well, nuts. Melissa was a bit disgruntled, but was coaxed out by the fact there was still hot water. Jade was already gone; she goes for a run in the morning as extra training for quidditch. Billie, Adrienne and I refused to get out, so we were, as I said before, literally dragged out of bed. Adrienne is a noon-sleeper, as am I, and Billie says that she stays in late to annoy Sean, her boyfriend (he's a sport nutter, gets up early to train for Quidditch. Bonkers). After we were dragged out of bed, we recognised defeat and got ready for the day. On the way to the great hall, I only tripped once, and Billie only tripped 3 times. I'm not that much of a klutz; but Billie is. Half of my first was spent sitting in the hospital wing, keeping Billie entertained. Then, in second year, we researched some basic healing spells which reduced the number of trips to the hospital wing. Still, Billie has a bed reserved. She's a favourite of Pomphrey, because she takes potions without complaint, since she's so used to it. When we reached the Great Hall Adrienne, Billie and I were still all half-asleep and we three walked in yawning. Very attractive.

Billie went off to chat to Sean, Elle was involved in a heated discussion with a 5th year friend, Melissa was whisked away by some Ravenclaws, Izzy left to chat up a hot senior and Alicia needed to converse with some Hufflepuffs, so Adrienne and I were left alone. I waved to Greg before sitting down at the gryffindor table, half leaning on Adrienne for pillowing uses.

Adrienne jumped for the coffee; wrestling with Sirius Black for it. I smiled at their power struggle and took refuge in my toast. Hmmm. It seems that Adrienne won the coffee-war and Sirius is looking grumpy. Hehehe. Any discomfort to a marauder is good for me. Hmmm, I think Black has just realised that Adrienne is rather pretty as he is looking her up and down while she drinks her energy-booster (the coffee). Oh great. He's making his moves on her. At least she's not one of those giggly bimbos. Wait, why is she batting her eyelashes at him like that? Please tell me there's something in her eye. Oh my sweet Merlin. She _is_ one of those giggly bimbos. Dammit. Black has won over her with his charms. Bloody charms. Ooooh- there's some Wheatbix on the table! YES! Wheatbix is my favourite cereal ever, so when I come across it, I get rather excited. Hehehe. Inching towards the box. Reaching over and- "POTTER! GIMME BACK MY FLIPPIN' WHEATBIX!" I hate Potter. Am currently struggling with him for the cereal. "What do you mean- yours? I always have Wheatbix in the morning!"

I am in complete and utter shock- paired with fury. So _he's_ the one who always eats the darling Wheatbix before I get to the Great Hall. I always thought it was that fifth year. Maybe I shouldn't have hexed her. Anyway, still shocked. It was _Potter_ the whole time. Grr. Double Grr. Uh oh. Flitwick's heading over to sort us out. Eh. At least it's not McGonnagal. "What's happening here, Miss Evans? Is something the matter?" I was tempted to say yes, and explain Potter's Git-ness, but I don't think Flitwick will see it the way I do. Stupid Potter. Steal my Wheatbix? What is this madness? I smile sweetly at Flitwick and wait till he's gone back to the staff table. Hey! Potter just took the Wheatbix again! I'll show him!

Aaaah. I feel somewhat better now. I am currently venting my frustrations by kicking Potter's shin under the table. He looks like he wants to cry! Go me! Anyway, after smiling at Greg, and glaring at Prat No.1 (Potter) I realised that I had been drooling over the Wheatbix for five minutes straight. So that's what Adrienne was trying to tell me with that rather violent sign language. And here I was, thinking she was having a seizure or something! Oh, bell rang, watch out History of Magic, here I come! Wait, I just realised what subject I just mentioned. Noooooo!

**9:05, History of magic, sitting next to Greg!**

Sorry, had to underline Greg's name. I mean, how could I not? It's Greg! I know I sound like a pathetic schoolgirl, but deal with me here, I _am_ a pathetic schoolgirl! And I am aware that I sound like I have a stupid crush on Greg, but I don't actually. He's just a great guy, and I can't help but feel a little excited about it. I mean, what if we end up as really good mates? That would be awesome! Am actually considering setting him up with one of my friends. Maybe Adrienne? Nah, she's got Sirius "Wanker" Black. Okay, think Lily, think; who to put him with? Not Izzy- she's got Jacques. But I guess if she ever breaks up with that gorgeous Frenchman…. And not Billie, Sean Wood has captured her heart forever. Wait, what if Greg's gay? Who do I know who would be good enough for Greg, a cake boy, _and_ available? Such difficult questions plague me! Oh, Greg is saying something to me. Better go!

…

Been chatting to Greg for a while, looks like he can't pay attention in HOM either- I'm not the only one! He's actually very smart- I never noticed before. Hey, some random chick in the corner seems to be glaring at me. What did I do? Oh- now she's making goo-goo eyes at Greg, which answers my question. She's rather pretty, I think. Sort of plain looking, but attractive all the same. Greg is now starting on his notes. Think I might too- don't want to fail after all. Bye for now!

**10:13, second period, Arithmancy**

sooo bloody bored. Greg doesn't take this class, so I'm sitting with Billie and Alicia. The class compromises of:

- Billie (no idea why she took it- she despises the subject)

- Alicia (Arithmancy genius

- ME! –does conga- woohoo!

- Remus Lupin (so hot!)

- James Potter (I suspect the only reason he's passing is Remus' notes)

- Dorcas Meadows (she's alright, I guess. Ravenclaw.)

- Monique Pickering (stupid hufflepuff.)

- Emmeline Vance (hufflepuff- very nice)

- Dan Jordan (commentator for Quidditch. v. funny person)

- Fabian Prewett (heh heh. Fabian! I always tease him by calling him "Fabio" but he doesn't mind)

- Narcissa Black (bleargh. Git. And her boyfriends a git. And her child will be a git. And all her friends are Gits with a capital G. And her sister Bellatrix is a git. And all her cousins are gits including Prat No.2- Sirius. Basically, any member of her friendship group and family are utter gits.)

- Evan Nott (weedy little worm.)

- some other random people (2 Ravenclaws, another Slytherin, a couple of Hufflepuffs.)

yeah, _huge_ class. Pshk. Hmmm, I don't think our teacher; Professor Spennlar likes me very much. She's constantly checking on me, making sure I haven't blown up a stoned monkey or something.

_Where'd the high monkey come from?_

Honestly, I have no idea. So go away Billie, I need to take notes.

_Notes? Sure. Most likely you're plotting James Potter's murder. Involving a guillotine, _

_aforementioned monkeys, a vat of slow burning acid, highly flammable hairspray, flannel pajamas, a Fanged Frisbee and an extra-large frying pan._

Details, details. I never said what type of notes I was writing anyway. By the way, the flannel pajamas are a nice touch- I might add it to my list of necessities for Potter's demise.

_I bet you will. But you better give me credit- or I'll pull a law case on you- get ready to be accused of copyright infringement, I will sue!_

I can just imagine you doing that. Anyway, I better get back to my "notes". -coughblueprintscough-

_Blue prints? Of what exactly?_

His dormitory of course! Anyway, I'm not writing back after this- I need to exercise self-control.

_Pshk! Self-control? What is this word? I have never heard of it! Foreign tongues confuse me._

Hmmmm. Billie is skitz. Well, that's not really surprising, actually. Better take some notes now.

**Operation: Death Of Egotistical Prat**

_Utensils:_

- Extra-large frying pan x 1

- guillotine x 1

- flannel pajamas x 2(just to be safe)

- vat of slow burning acid x 1

- stoned monkey x 6 (the more, the merrier!)

- highly flammable hairspray x 1

- Fanged Frisbee x 1

_Time Slot:_

Operation ODOEP will commence at exactly 1800 hours- dinner.

_Officers in Command:_

- Sybilla Rose Wilson

- Lily Marie Evans

- Alicia May Sanders

- Adrienne Cresswell

- Isabelle Ann McKenzie

_Locations at said time:_

SRW- Gryffindor table

LME- chamber next to the Great Hall

AMS- doors of Great Hall

AC- positioned next to Potter

IAM- behind staff table

_Process of military moveme_- aah! Spennlar's coming! Crapolla!

Have I mentioned that Spennlar doesn't like or trust me? Hmmph, thought so. Well, I better go do some actual schoolwork.

**11:00, third period, still in Arithmancy**

The bell just went, and I could hear people moving through the corridors, and I wished I was with them. Grr. Really, I don't mind the subject itself, it's just the teacher that gets me. Crackpot. Anyway, I should go. Spennlar is asking the class questions, and she's getting nearer to me.

…

okay, diary time again! I'm soooo bored, Spennlar is just babbling on about nothing. Ooooh, a fly! Am currently watching the fly zoom around the room and- _into my hand? _Man, the flies at Hogwarts are psycho. La di da di daaaaaaaa. Okay, new project for me! make a multiple-shaped figure! Hmmm. Grr. It's not working! Try harder! It seems impossible due to logic and reason. But who believes in crap like that?

_Lily? What in the name of all things magical are you doing?_

Making circular squares that look like triangles, of course!

_Right…_

And you? Drooling over Amos Diggory?

_No! I am so better trained then that! I only drool in Muggle Studies and History of Magic! Okay, I was drooling in my head, you happy? –mutters not nice things-_

Not nice things! Wash your mouth out! -scourgify-

_Hey, isn't that James Potter staring at you?_

**What? James Potter is staring at our Lily? She's growing up so fast! –wipes tear-**

Shut up Alicia! I bet he's just staring at some braindead bimbo sitting behind me.

_Sure Lils, sure._

**Hehehe. James and lily sitting in a tree- K-I-S-I-N-G**

Alicia, can you not spell "kissing"?

**Huh?**

You spelt it wrong. Hahaha! Alicia can't spell for shit!

**Meh. I can spell "kettle" and that's all that matters.**

_Kettle?_

Darl, you're losing you touch.

_For once I have to agree with lily. I mean, "kettle"? Couldn't you do better than that?_

**Whatever! Crap, Spennlar is heading our way.**

Innocent faces everyone!

"girls? What are you doing? Passing notes in class, I expected better of you! give the parchment over!"

oh lord. Billie is handing the piece of paper over, wide-eyed. The professor (cough-evilwitch-cough) walked back up to the front, and to our embarrassment, began reading the notes out loud. Kill me now. Remus looked surprised when one of his best friends was mentioned.

Billie, Alicia and I all shrunk down in our seats, bright red.

Bloody Spennlar. She just took 5 bloody points from bloody Gryffindor. The bloody Slytherins are bloody laughing at us. Bloody gits. And I promise to stop bloody saying "bloody".

YES! The bell went! WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO! Sorry, just a bit relieved. Off to lunch now! Yay! I'll be sitting with Greg!

* * *

**This is just over six pages, so you'd better be happy with it. Thank you for reviewing, everyone! Also, to anyone who is interested:**

**In my one-shot fic _Straight As A Twistie_ I used a quote from _Empire Records_. I changed a few words to fit the story, but other than that, it's untouched. If you can figure out what the quote is, I'll dedicate a chapter of this fic to you, and you get a cyber packet of Twisties! Just tell me what the quote is in a review of _Straight As A Twistie_ or this fic. Thank you for reading my story! Lots of love and cyber Twisties,**

**Amy**


End file.
